Photo by Erik-Jan Leusink on Unsplash

I’ve been revising my “Emotional Intelligence for Leaders and Staff” programme, and two areas of particular interest are ‘emotional awareness’ and ‘managing emotions’.

Emotional awareness

Emotional awareness is a complex subject, but at its heart is noticing and acknowledging what you are feeling in the moment. This is mindfulness in action and is a vital skill in complex and uncertain times.

Imagine you are in a meeting, and something happens that makes you feel really angry. If you aren’t aware of your anger in that moment, you might suddenly find yourself speaking with an angry tone, only to be surprised when your message doesn’t land well.

With awareness, however, you can  notice what you feel and then pause before responding. This ability to recognise and name emotions as they arise is the foundation of emotional intelligence.

Emotional management

Emotional management, on the other hand, is about how we  then handle our emotions in the moment, after awareness. It includes accepting our emotions without letting them dictate our actions. For leaders, this is vital. For example, if you feel worried about a budget cut, emotional management might mean acknowledging that worry internally,  but choosing to communicate  more calmly with your team. Instead of spreading panic and worry, you focus on helping your staff plan constructively whilst still being authentic.

The research findings

Of course, emotions and emotional management are deeply affected by many factors: food, exercise, hormones, and sleep. A recent study highlighted the critical role of sleep in emotional regulation. Researchers found that disturbed sleep can lead to intrusive memories, which may affect both thoughts and emotional control. Marcus Harrington, lead author of the study and a psychology lecturer at UEA, noted: “Given that memories play a central role in our affective perception of the external world, memory control failures may go a long way towards explaining the relationship between sleep loss and emotional dysregulation.” He further explained: “Taken together, our findings highlight the critical role of sleep in maintaining control over memories and ongoing thoughts.”

An EI reflection

This week, I have been reflecting on an Emotional Intelligence awareness-raising statement from Roberto Assagioli: “I have emotions, but I am not my emotions.” I think that sums it up beautifully. At work and in life, emotions give colour and vibrancy to our experiences. They are at the heart of our connections with others.  Handling them helps our resilience. Yet, in moments of stress, it’s worth remembering: “I am not my emotions, even if it feels that way. They are mine, flowing through me, but they are not me.”

Connecting

If you’re interested in executive or leadership coaching or Emotional Intelligence programmes, please DM me. In my experience, emotional intelligence is at the heart of good leadership, and I would love to support your organisation and staff in this learning journey.

References

Memory control deficits in the sleep-deprived human brain | PNAS

How poor sleep stops your brain from blocking bad memories

Roberto Assagioli’s exercise can be found in Fundamentals of Psychosynthesis Volume 1, edited by Joan Evans (only available by attending the Fundamentals of Psychosynthesis course).